somewhere between a party & a prayer...
Hello my friend,
I hope all is well. And if it isn't, it will be. I promise.
I can't tell you how to raise your children, how to blow your guy, or how to perfect your casserole. But I can, with great confidence, tell you that everything in your life is going to be okay. And more than okay, everything is going to be fucking amazing. You are going to have to work for it. You are going to have to fight for it. But you can and will have the life you have always dreamed of.
I know this because I am well on my way.
So, where shall I begin?
How about the middle?
Because the beginning is always so boring, so unsure and worrisome. And the end is yet to be seen. So the middle...it's my favorite part because that is where we all are.
We are far from where our lives started. We are far from where our lives will end.
It is the middle of the day and I am staring at a blank screen on my MacBook.
(Macatella is my computer's name and it would serve you well to remember this as she is one of my most trusted companions.)
I get the usual text from one of my absolute oldest and dearest friends, Pia.
"I can't wait to read your blog. When are you launching it again?"
I respond, "Um..."
"What's the problem?"
"I just feel blocked and blah and have nothing to write."
"Just fucking write already. Get off of Facebook and fucking write. I believe in you."
The world needs what only YOU can provide. If you listen closely enough, if you silence yourself long enough you will hear your soul calling to you.
What comes naturally to you?
What are you good at?
Perhaps that is your calling.
So let's just be real. I am scared. More than scared. I am terrified. I am afraid to fail and I am afraid to succeed. I am afraid that when I write people will leave mean comments. I am afraid people will laugh at me. I am afraid my mom will be embarrassed and my mother in law will think less of me. I am afraid. I am afraid that if people really knew me they wouldn't like me. And I think that on some level we all feel this way. Behind closed doors, we may drink too much, yell at our children too loudly, be too hard on our husbands. We work out for months only to stop and then feel like we have to start all over again. We gossip, we don't tithe enough. We try to balance our checkbooks, balance our diets and basically balance our lives. And sometimes we find ourselves being two different people. The person we are at PTA meetings might not always be the person we are with our girlfriends. Or the person we are when we are alone. And sometimes there may be another person, some sort of mighty risk taking superhero busting to get out. Some sort of butterfly sitting inside a cocoon waiting, for the perfect moment to emerge. But the perfect moment never comes.
Maybe sometimes we feel like we are falling apart. Like we are not good enough. We feel overwhelmed. Like terrible mothers, terrible wives, terrible whatever. Like we can't get ahead. Living paycheck to paycheck. We tell ourselves we are fat when really we are fabulous. We tell ourselves we never have enough when really we have all we need. The truth is. And trust me on this, we are exactly where we are supposed to be. We are all perhaps a little bit party and a little bit prayer. Life is hard. And we are all doing the best we can. And our best is pretty fucking awesome. So take a deep breath in. And remember if they truly knew you they would fucking love you. And if they don't, then fuck em'. Because this is YOUR life and you are doing the best you can. And you are fucking fabulous. And that is what I had to come to terms with. I had to be real. I had to be honest. I had to learn to love myself unconditionally. To be brave enough to share my flaws with you so that perhaps you could feel a little more normal. Because guess what, God does truly know you and He loves you anyway.
Maybe there is something you are trying to accomplish. Or something you have always dreamt about accomplishing. Maybe there is something that calls to your soul as you are just about to fall asleep. In the darkness, in the quiet, in the still of the night. Something that keeps you up. Something that you think you would have been great at but it is too late, that you are too old.
Let me tell you again that the world needs what only YOU can give. And you are denying us all a great gift when you don’t give us your all. You are denying the whole world.
And this is where I find myself.
Somewhere between a party and a prayer and I am okay with that...are you?
Take me as I am or don't take me at all.
Come along with me on my journey and I know you will find something that resonates.
Here's to love and light and all things fabulous. (Like you.)
I believe in you.
You can do anything .
You are greatly loved.
Sincerely, Veronica Towns